


Literal 'Magic Brownies'

by cypherd



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Drugs, Gen, Intoxication, accidental drugging of people, people doing things under the influence, should i just say black humour?, suggestions of inadvertanly drugging people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:40:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24705484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cypherd/pseuds/cypherd
Summary: MC thought the aversion to Solomon's food is just that he's a terrible cook. But as it turns out, he's actually not that bad when there's a little extra magic involved...when MC asks why they all avoid Solomon's cooking like the plague, there is a flurry of explanation to recount the worst of what has happened. (MC is written as gender neutral, Winter is my angel OC!)
Relationships: Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Literal 'Magic Brownies'

“Hey. I have a question for you, Winter. Actually, all of you. But maybe you know best.”

The angel looked up at MC and nodded with a smile. “Well of course, anytime you have a question, I’ll do my best to answer.”

“So what is it about Solomon’s cooking that’s so bad? I mean, any time he’s on duty you’re over here. I’ve never seen Beel turn down food, nor truly any of you.” MC nodded at the group.

Beel actually pulled the angel into him protectively at the very mention.

Winter awkwardly patted his arm from her crushed position. “Well it IS Purgatory Hall rules that he either only order in - or use his pacts to get someone else to cook for him when he’s on KP duty, but....the real reason is...um…”

“He --” 

Winter cut Beel off. “I’ve got this one. Without magic he’s no chef. With magic well, it’s quite a different story. I suppose you as a human are at least familiar with the concept of the pot brownie? He doesn’t actually use marajuana though, but there are some magics and potions that are very capable of making all manner of beings from all realms -uhhh...well, I’ll just go ahead and use a human colloquialism here: ‘trip balls’”

And then, the entire common room exploded.

“I am fairly sure I tried to romance and then...have sex with a bathroom fixture.” Asmo had probably never in his life been upset about his sexuality one way or another, but in this moment he looked downright ashamed. “...and I think it was begging me to let it go...but I didn’t.” 

“I ate a fire wasp’s nest.” Beel supplied, also looking quietly bashful. “The welts didn’t go down for days. I was practically starved the whole time.” 

Satan shook his head. “I woke up in the cursed forest wearing Lucifer’s clothes.” He wandered over to a crystal decanter, poured himself a shot and took it in one before returning to the group. “I may or may not have spoken to a group of cats about my uh…’Daddy issues’. Still…” He returned to take another drink.

“A’ight, I’ll share. I bought twenty of the exact same size and colour of bra and panty sets offa Akuzon. I don’t even remember doin’ it. I mean - I sold ‘em to some witches after...but…”

Asmo glanced at Mammon. “The whole story if you’re telling it.”

“Fine. I put ALL of them on at once...and went to The Fall, screamed at my bosses that this was the next big look...and passed out in the doorway.,”

Leviathan opened his mouth, closed it and then made a go of it. “I went on a raid, or I thought I did. Except...it wasn’t exactly online.” The poor Otaku had his face covered. “I went through...the whole of downtown. Yelling at other demons, hitting them for ‘hp’, I went into shops and took things. I was worse than Mammon!”

Mammon normally would have responded to that with bluster, but it was telling that he just shook his head in this case.

“Oh, is it my turn?” Belphie looked up from his pillow. “Since we’re sharing, I ran laps with these guys.” he gestured at Beel and Winter. “...And their whole team. And lapped them. And kept going about three hours after they finished. I couldn’t move the next day.”

“It wasn’t good.” Beel rumbled anxiously. 

“I was okay in the end wasn’t I?” Belphie was also now giving his twin a comforting pat.

Winter raised her hand around the practical choke hold Beel still had on her. “The first time, Simeon and I traded clothes. And did bad impressions of one another. I think I tried to wrestle him and we ended up in bed together…clothed!” She actually choked as Beel’s arm tightened. “Well, suffice it to say we knew then and there we had to protect Luke from that - hence the rule. Though I hate it when he uses his pacts to make others cook for him. Hence why I usually eat here.”

“But...there’s someone missing.” MC was sure that despite how above it all Lucifer tried to be, there was a story there too.

“Oh Lucifer. Oh well we can tell you about that. When we get it, we try to sneak him one.” 

“You might.”

“Not only me. You guys better tell th’ truth, we got an Angel here.”

Winter shrugged but the rest for once knew Mammon was right.

“Okay. It’s true.” Asmo nodded. “He’s such a DEAR when he’s a little...intoxicated.” 

“Wait. Is that why he tried to cling to my leg last week? And begged me to find him special? Asmo, I think you’re having a miscommunication on the epithet ‘dear’?”

“...he did unplug the router to give it a hug on his birthday.” Leviathan groused.

“...and let me go? That was nice but the part where he” Mammon screwed up his face to fight for the word. “‘Caressed’ my face got CREEPY.”

“You’ve been trying to drug Lucifer? I’m not sure I feel so comfortable with that…” The angel sighed. “Oh...on the other hand, I suppose it IS an improvement.”

“I agree, I didn’t know.” Beel said. “It’s not really right to do that…”

The conversation had suddenly gone off of the original question, with no one seeming to notice that the only human in the room suddenly looked rather horrified and had fallen silent.

“I think I’d better tell you all something…uh...about where those cookies you all just ate came from.” MC’s face had gone rather pale.

“Oh SHIT.” Satan cottoned on. 

“...I’m sorry? I didn’t read the tag before hand!”

There was going to be a long night ahead.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if this is to be a oneshot or not - I've been high a total of one time and it scared the piss out of my roommates - and drugged a total of once also; it was not pleasant and I had to think a little before using it as a comedy bit. I based all this off of the kinds of unusually off-brand for me things they've said I did before actually coaxing me into passing out. So we'll see.


End file.
